The day after Xmas I found myself looking at my rear end. The gastroenterologist was positioning a tiny anal camera before she lubed me up and slid it in. It’s a very strange thing indeed to see your own ass in black and white, in front of you on a tv screen. It looked a little better than the last time but still had the look of the eye of Saruman, just not as flaming, red or as fierce. This time I didn’t pass out.( It may have helped that I was already horizontal).
The fantastic voyage of looking at an alien world through the magic of modern technology had begun. We were in. I felt like Alice falling down the hole of my own lower intestine equipped with a Go! camera. The doctor said she was very, very impressed with how beautifully I’d healed. I said thanks. So you DO like my ass? She said she did. I’ll take the compliment. Most of us have a love hate relationship with our asses. And I’m a little upset that mine is great in THIS century but in my youth all I wanted was a flat one like Barbie or my next door neighbor.
I watched with fascination as she steered the camera in and around the tunnel of my rectum until she hit pay dirt (or pay poop?). She was ecstatic! She was so happy to be rummaging around humming to herself as she looked for signs of that bad old tumor we’d encountered the last time we took this trip. Gone baby, gone. She said. I said no way. She said WAY!
What a way to start the new year. Happy 2015!!