The C Word: And the secret word is: Consumer

I appreciate what I pay for. If I want it. If I can afford it. I buy it! Simple, right? Have I mentioned my new motorcycle? I call him Tweety. I haven’t been this excited about something warm and vibrating between my legs since…well, EVER!
I have insurance because I have to. It’s the LAW! And when it comes to medical bills I’m thankful that I have it. I don’t like paying for it but I appreciate how much less I have to pay because I do have it. My radiologist (love that MAN!) and my oncologist (I like him ok) informed me that they’d like to see me every six months, yes every six months until I’m deemed cancer free (36 months and counting) I accepted that. A few weeks after my first 6 month checkup I received a bill for $360.oo! That’s $180.00 per “specialist”. Now, I don’t mind paying for services rendered,etc. but I didn’t get naked for either of them which to me doesn’t feel like a proper visit. These “meet-ups’ took less than 15 minutes combined.And there was NO happy ending. At least MY radiologist laughs at my jokes but, noooo, not Mr. Stoneface.
I don’t go in for “retail therapy”. I don’t shop for things I don’t need. I can barely stand going to the grocery store. I only do that because I haven’t figured out how to live without food, yet. But $360 for chit chatting with two guys in white coats for less time than it takes for me to drive there, park and hit up the cafe? Meanwhile, my gastroenterologist tells me she doesn’t need to see me for 5 years. She originally said 10 but said my C team wouldn’t agree to that.
So if the “specialist” who found my baby cancer is fine with not seeing me for 60 months what’s up with these guys?
It could be my bubbly and upbeat personality that’s driving this every 6 months visit. But it’s not. Could it be their overwhelming concern for my well being? Maybe. But it’s not. It’s that the insurance company says they can. So they do. I’d love to make $180 in less than 15 minutes without taking my clothes off, exchanging any fluids or putting on some latex. Maybe I shoulda been a doctah.
Stay slippery my friends and thanks for reading.

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